With my sincere apologies to Clement Clarke Moore...
'Twas the night before PCCX, when all thro' the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The laundry was flung in the hall without care,
In hopes that the House Fairy soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of snowball fights danc'd in their heads,
And I, looking at the mess we’d made of our lives,
Had just settled in for Desperate Housewives —
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Hid behind the curtains, and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below;
When, what to my wondering eyes should there seem,
But a utility cart, and what? A whole team?
With a fairy leader, so lively and quick,
I saw at once her timer ringing “tock, tick”.
More rapid than eagles her helpers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name:
"Now! Swiffer, now! Comet, now! Lysol and Windex,
On! Clorox, on! Cascade, on! Febreze and Tarn-x;
"To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
"Now scrub it, and dust it, and vacuum it all!"
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the house-top the cleaners they flew,
With the cart full of sponges — and the fairy crew too:
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The clack and the clatter of each cleaning tool.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney the House Fairy came with a bound:
She was dress'd all in glitter, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were now tarnish'd with ashes and soot;
A flick and a wave of the wand in her pack,
And she look'd like she’d never been covered in black:
Her eyes — how they twinkled!
Her dimples: how merry,
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry;
Her cute little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the ends of her hair glittered like snow;
The wand full of feathers she held tight in her fist,
And the sparks it emitted decorated her list.
The list sure was long, but she didn’t seem fazed.
I, on the other hand, was properly dazed.
She was chubby and plump, a right jolly young elf,
And I laugh'd when I saw her in spite of myself;
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And laid in supplies for me, pointed out where dirt lurked,
And laying her finger aside of her nose
And giving a nod, up the chimney she rose.
She sprung to her cart, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
But I heard her exclaim, ere she drove out of sight —
Happy PCCX to all, and to all a good night.