This Time...

This is mostly the same as a post I wrote today at Spark People, but the same principles apply to housekeeping as weight loss in many ways.

I think everyone, at some point, falls off of whatever wagon they're clinging to.  This is followed, almost inevitably, by a point in the future at which one says, "This time I'll do it right."  I'm all for positive affirmations and goals, but "This time..." is more like a promise, and one that is often destined to be broken.  

I've been slacking for quite some time now, and I wanted to start today fresh and trying harder.  But something about "This time..." rubs me the wrong way.  Maybe it's because it implies other times, more opportunities to fall.  Maybe it's because it implies picking up right where I left off instead of backing up a few steps and building back up to where I was.  Maybe because it's just too general.  Maybe it's because it's been said hundreds of times before and it carries the weight of all those failures with it.  Maybe it's because it encompasses too much time.  "This time..." could be months or years.

I think I'll go with "Today..." instead.  "Today..." I will pay attention to my priorities.  "Today..." I will get some - any - cleaning in.  "Today..." I will track what I need to.  Today I can handle.  It's one day, a finite time.  And if something goes wrong Today, there is always another Today - tomorrow.  If I said "This time..." and fell today then I wrecked the whole thing.  

So far Today is going fine.

I'm Soooo Behind

It's well into October now, and all the screw-ups, mis-steps, and failures of the last 9 months are rearing up to bite me in the you-know-where.

Any progress I made earlier in the year - and some of it was considerable - has backslid so far that I'm nearly back at square one.  I haven't planned diddly and the upcoming holidays are looking a little bleak.  A major, crucial project that should have begun in August is still in limbo today.  Financial decisions are almost always regrets around here.  My house is a wreck - no better now than it has been at any point in the last 4 years.  I'm not looking forward to fundraisers, cold-weather clothes, pictures, cards, presents, baking, etc. in the next 3 months.

I'm frustrated with so many things, not the least of which myself.  I have issues.

Day 3 - didn't try

I had a lousy day in general today. Didn't really think about cleaning at all, except to look around and think "what a dump", and to harp on B to finish his bloody chores. And truthfully I didn't particularly care about getting up and doing anything.

I'm forcing myself tonight to face what I haven't done and update my blogs anyway. (I have 3: this one, one at sparkpeople, and my own site. I'm a glutton for punishment I suppose.) I don't know yet if this shameful look in the mirror will make tomorrow any better, but I can dream.

Speaking of dreams, the other night I dreamed that we had a party for E's birthday (it's tomorrow) and the only person to show up was Stephen King. Weird, huh?

Anyway, tomorrow is a new day and all that rot, and I have a lot to get done. We're not actually having a party, Stephen King or not, but E is 2; he won't notice. I'm pretty sure he has no concept of what a birthday is, much less that he has one. But I still have things I'd like to do, and things I should do, and I believe I'll start by going in now and doing the dishes. Ciao.